


Of Faith and Regrets

by petras



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Drabbles, F/M, collection of drabbles, crossposted from ffnet, rivetra
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-10
Updated: 2018-06-28
Packaged: 2018-10-17 05:02:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 36
Words: 20,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10586976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/petras/pseuds/petras
Summary: A collection of drabbles.





	1. touch

**Author's Note:**

> I'm starting a drabble series on these two but this will be short as the first one. Requests and prompts are very much welcome :)))

Petra doesn't believe it when she hears him say those three painful words.

"Leave me alone."

It hits her like a knife stabbing right through her and yet she just stands there blankly disbelieving because she knows by how dead he looks as he says this that he never wanted her to at all. It's by the tone of his voice that screams _Don't leave me!_ she wants to shout at him. Yell at him for leaving her empty.

But she does none of it, instead she stands still behind Levi's fallen form on the ground. She can't do anything, at all. The gentle rubs on his back to comfort him with the fact that she's still there alive and breathing, wiping away his tears when he realizes that he almost lost her and placing a gentle kiss on his forehead to calm him down.

None of it she can do. Not when she's dead.


	2. nightly visits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: "Please, don't play with me. My heart can only take so much."

It isn't until late night she finds him entering her window in her bedroom. He is injured, she notices, his arm clutched at his other bloody and almost ripped shoulder. Petra carries him to her bed, slowly and gently, not wanting to hurt him any further.

They haven't said a word since his trespass. Not wanting it to be this uncomfortable, she musters asking him.

"What happened?"

It is with a soft and gentle tone she asks him when they reach the edge of her bed. She brings him to a comfortable sitting position on which his left shoulder won't hurt.

It is a slightly deep gash from his shoulder blade to his left elbow. Blood seeps out of the wound and she is quick to have kept an aid kit in her room and grabs it in a shelf near the door to her room.

Sitting beside him, she gestures him to take of his shirt off. She carefully removes it from his grasp and places it on the floor, not wanting any red to stain her bed sheets.

Petra realizes Levi hasn't answered her question. Not that she expects him to. This is their only time to be together and she lays it all to waste when probing about his daily activities.

So instead she disinfects Levi's wound in silence, save for painful grunts from the raven haired man.

Petra doesn't know how they have kept this same routine. He, coming late at night to the safety of her place, and she, lies in wait for him to come back. She is not exactly home yet she wonders why she lets him stay. Petra doesn't even know what they are.

What she does know is that, they aren't meant to be together. He is a thief, probably even more than that, and she is but a mere maiden. It is immoral to shelter them. Petra is even more afraid she might have come to love him.

The moonlight coming from the open window acts as her light when bandaging the gash. Levi watches in silence but his features contort in pain when she tugs a bit on the clean cloth. She is done.

Petra continues to look at his bandaged wound, faintly tracing it with her fingers. She feels Levi's gaze on her and she can't help but spill what's been bugging her mind. Their eyes meet.

"What are we?"

She felt him stiffen under her touch and at that moment he refuses to meet her gaze, the floor much more interesting to him now.

"Don't play with me, Levi." She is feeling scared. Petra doesn't know how he feels and his reaction does not do well for her.

"My heart can only take so much."

Levi now takes his eyes off the ground and onto hers with an unreadable expression she can't decipher. He opens his mouth but closes it afterwards, not finding the words to say especially after what she said.

Finally, he mutters. "I don't know."

He places his hands on his lap and grips at it, as if it has the answer. Levi doesn't know and now Petra is not so sure anymore.


	3. letters

She writes in the dead of the night when the moonlight shines the brightest, the wind breezing through swiftly everything around her and when she can only hear her breathing and the beating of her heart.

They are letters written for her father. Letters where she writes down all her worries and fears, of her closest comrades who died in battle and sometimes she even asks about how he and mom are faring.

Her recent letter tells of a certain someone and how she will devote herself fully to him.

Just before every expedition, she sends it early in the morning, hoping that by the time it reaches her family, she would be fighting her way back home, but when Levi hears the footsteps of an old man as he comes to him, calling out for his daughter, he wishes that Petra weren't as diligent in writing them.


	4. secret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something random I made based on a song.

"You're a coward." She spits at him, eyes glaring.

He retains the same blank expression, this is nothing to him.

She just stares at him, anger visible.

He averts his gaze from her, her pair of eyes poking holes at him.

"I hate you." And she leaves, teary-eyed.

* * *

He looks at his phone. Accusing it of its stupidity but he knows that it's his fault. Frustration built up inside of him, he slams the phone on his bed and covers it with a pillow as he averts his gaze from it to the screen of his computer.

 _It's an eyesore_ he mentally screams.

Will she be able to bear the sight of him when they meet again? He truly doesn't know. How could he even explain the thoughts of a woman anyway? They are so hard to understand!

"Ughh…"

Groaning, he lets his head fall on top of the pillow covering his damn phone.

_Why is he so stupid!?_

He didn't mean for any of that to happen. She of all people should understand that but…

* * *

"Aww…" they pout, eyes drooping and an obvious face of disappointment. They grab their bag from his chair and swings the bag onto their back, mimicking that of a Japanese anime student.

"You sure you aren't coming?" Hanji says in a sing-song voice.

He only snorts, used at his friend's antics. He sits straight on his chair, eyes facing the classroom's podium. He then turns to his right where the raven haired finds his playful friend since childhood hopping on their toes.

"I'm not coming. I already told you." He scowls at him, they sure can be a baby from time to time.

"Alright! I hear _ya_!"

The quick shutter of the door sounded before he could bid his friend goodbye.

A blink of an eye.

He turns to his left, where the vacant seat near the window beside him resides a vase of flowers. He then realizes how silent the world seems as he is all alone in their classroom. Levi misses her dearly and then he takes the time to let the tears spill.

The flower petals are wilting day by day ever so slowly and he soon wonders how long till they'll all forgot about the smile hiding the heart that wants to disappear in the classroom.

* * *

_Levi watches her twirl, her arms spread wide and with a bright look on her face, she looks upwards at the blue sky. He could only roll his eyes up at her, she's always so positive about everything._

" _Levi…" she finally faces him with that smile on her face again. The smile which always makes his stomach flutter and he fights back a blush._

" _I have a secret."_

" _What?"_

_Petra raises her index finger to her lips and smiles knowingly, a distant twinkle in her eyes._

" _I won't tell you."_


	5. father's day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Father's day to all! :)

Levi is a lot of things. A soldier, strong and disciplined as ever. He's also a friend even if he may not show it, he cares for them. He is also a husband, loyal to his wife whom he dearly loves.

What he doesn't expect to be called is a father.

"Happy Father's day!" His daughter greets, a beam on her lips as she presents to him a drawing of himself who seems to be in his military uniform and several arrays of light with him being in the center of it.

He studies it carefully, noting how each stroke was carefully made, the proper of use of coloring and he could tell that his little angel is quite getting good with drawing. He smiles at it.

"Come here." He tells her, opening his arms for an embrace.

She giggles and hugs her dad. He may not always say those three words but she can always tell how much he loves her.

They maintain the embrace. Levi ruffles her copper hair and lets himself wish that Petra was here to see how much he has grown to be a father of their beloved child.


	6. no control

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another one based from a song

Levi doesn't want this. The irritating silence gnaws at him, daring him to make a move. He sits still on his bed. Their bed.

Memories of bland white walls and the sounds of beeping machines enter his mind and he tries not to remember the pale body of a once bright copper haired girl he used to love.

Levi shuts his eyes and brings his hands to the side of his head. No, the memories of them being happy together before the unthinkable happened. A terminal illness, they said. One that could not be cured, they said.

 _'I want you to be happy even if I'm gone.'_ she last said.

Tears roll down from his eyes and he breaks down in a heap on the floor. He kneels down and brings down his hands on the ground. His eyes looks dead and empty, mixed with mourning and grief, he closes them. Levi swears this isn't what he wanted.

"Why her?" He whispers.

No reply. Of course there wouldn't be one.

"Why her?!"

A fit of pure anger coursed through him and pointed an accusing finger to the ceiling as if whatever being is up there.

"If this is my punishment for all those years of blood and loss, you should have taken my life instead."

Petra was the only one who truly made him change. Who showed him the way to the light and to feel human. She was also happy most of the time. Even if she was diagnosed with the sickness. She stayed happy for him.

He grips his fists at his sides and sobs begin to rack through him. He leans downward and he doesn't care whether his forehead touches the ground, dust and grime sticking to his skin. Tears trail down his face and he wishes one thing.

"I should've died."


	7. tremble

He hates how his hands tremble. It is erratic, sometimes uncontrollable. Most of the time, it goes unnoticed by him, slightly shaking as he aims his blade at the nape of the titan but never disturbing his focus. Other times, he lets it get to him, violently clenching his fists until red crescents form on his palm, in hopes it would stop. Levi hates how his hands tremble, hates that it never stops.

It doesn't faze Petra though, always taking his hands–hands which the fear, the blood can't be washed away–in hers and bringing it to her lips. Placing gentle kisses against his calloused fingers, she tends to it like a mother to a child who's wounded. It always takes his breath away because she treats the slight but sometimes strong trembling with care and that she loves it.

He feels safe being with her, and later on, the trembling of his fingers, his hands stop.


	8. a quick break

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes: this is unedited and it's 3am and Im not exactly tired but have this short rivetra.  
> notes2: so much late late update. originally written around the new years' and was posted in my tumblr, and from my ffnet account.

Sometimes all it takes for Levi to finally bring himself out of his shell is through constant push and when he mean a constant push, he means Petra. Now, Levi never really is that kind of person to stubbornly seek through with all the bullshit life has given him.

Like for example, he's supposed to be filing all the needed paperwork Erwin gave him. Apparently the prick, forgot to mention that it was needed just the on the middle of the night when he exactly gave it to him just a few hours from the scheduled deadline.

Muttering to himself that maybe he should probably bring Hanji - for just this once - to ruin Erwin's all perfectly organized schedule with a bunch load of titan experiments, he sets up to work on the important papers.

He's been repeatedly scribbling down his signature on every piece of paper when he hears the soft raps to his door. He does not need to look up from his task when he hears the turn of his doorknob and then the entrance of his female subordinate.

"Busy, sir?" She asks him, in her gentlest tones and stands by the door, patiently waiting for any approval for her to go inside.

"Yes, Petra. What does it look like to you." He grumbles but he does not stop her from giggling about his complaints. Being under him has her quite gotten used to his antics so he lets it pass. It's late anyways and he's too tired to retort back.

"I could get you some tea, sir." She suggests, which is stupid because he knows that she knows that tea is what he needs right now to calm down his nerves.

So he just nods. Petra leaves at that and he is left alone with nothing but paperwork and headaches.

He has come across a specific file where he needs to write down input on several soldiers and he groans. Writing down input is too tiring and straining when he's up so late.

Levi finally puts his pen down when Petra bursts in to his room with a tray of tea. Two teacups and a teapot are placed on the tray and the overwhelming aroma of the refreshments hits his nose and he relishes in the relaxing scent.

The copper haired girl walks up to his table and places the tray atop of it. Levi finally notices that there are two cups of tea and he questioningly gazes at her.

Petra catches this but she first gestures to him if she could sit down on a chair and he nods back, staring at the vacant chair across his table. She takes a seat and says, "I thought you could use some companion, sir."

She then points at the stack of papers beside him. "After all, it looks like you could use some help."

At this, he follows her line of sight and is reminded of the other half of papers he needs to give input on but decided that maybe taking a break especially with tea and Petra isn't all that bad.


	9. women are so confusing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this instead of studying for my quizes. Also, Office AU. Just saying.

"I hear you've been hanging out with someone lately."

If words could kill, Levi would have had a heart attack by now. The poor man almost threw his pen and thus screwing his handwriting, especially when it's on a written report. Luckily he willed it to not flip but not without muttering to himself incoherent strings of profanities.

"What the fuck Hanji?!" He curses, deciding to put down his writing tool and carefully stashing his files to the side of his table. Hopefully there won't be any more messes made if said person's around.

Hanji only laughs at him, no doubt amused from his reaction. The bitch only grinnind wider at the sight of his already scowling face.

"Calm down, shorty." She coos at him, making her way to the vacant chair in front of his desk to take a seat, and putting up a guilty look she continues. " It's not like I'm trying to kill you or anything"

Liar. She definitely knows what's up.

"What do you want shitty glasses?" He crosses his arms at her.

"Oh, I don't know." She gestures to herself as if in thought but then abruptly props her hands on his desk, leaning towards him with thay stupid maniacal smile of hers. "I've been hearing rumours, is all."

Levi, obviously, is not surprised to find his insane of a colleague in this state. If anything more, he's just plainly annoyed. Whatever has got her hyperactive mind in a twist must surely be punished.

She looks at him expectantly, waiting for his response. All he could say is this though. "What the hell do you mean?"

"Awww... Levi," she sighs exasperatedly, her hands flying up in the air. "Don't try to deny it."

"Deny what, damn it?!" He grumbles.

"So you do know?"

"Know what exactly?!"

"You seriously doing this?"

The raven haired man can feel a vein pop in his hear. Seriously, where the hell is she trying to get at? Obviously, having enough of the conversation, Levi slams his hands on his table and shoots up straight.

"I have had enough of this. Tell me what the hell do you want!" he seethes.

And just like every other person, she finally shuts the fuck up.

Levi, taking another sigh, takes his place on his office chair and props his left arm on the armrest for him to lean on it wihout ever breaking his deadly glare off of his annoying-dare he actually call her one- friend.

She's quick to know that that's her cue and fixes herself, purposefully coughing out the nervousness.

"Well, " she starts, "I've heard you've been hanging out wi-"

"-I know what you said. Just get to the point." He cuts her off, grumbling.

Then as if she's been hit with a terrible burst of inspiration, she looks at him, finally connecting the pieces.

"It's that coffee girl, isn't it." She sputters, excitement shining in her eyes.

This time, he's the one being silent. His glares fades away as soon as she uttered those very words, and almost tripping himself off of his chair but fortunately catching himself in the process.

"Coffee girl?" He stutters in surprise, and he mentally hits himself because the great Levi Ackerman never stutters. "You mean Petra Ral?"

"Ohohoho..." Hanji has the audacity to chortle at him.

"So this isn't just any coffee girl." She makes the quote-and-quote gesture while she says this, obviously enjoying it.

"Shut up." Levi tries to sound threatening, really, but the unfortunate man can't help but feel his neck turn red.

Hanji takes a look at it and with wide eyes, she mutters to herself. "I can't believe this."

"The great and mighty Levi Ackerman? Crushing on someone?"

She looks at him in awe, "This is wonderful news yet."

So with a quick wave and a "I got to report this to Erwin!" She rans out if his office before Levi could even stop her.

Defeated, Levi plops down on his chair, covers his face and groans in embarassment. Just when he feels like slapping himself, a figure with bright copper hair and petite stature comes in, a cup of coffee in hand.

"You know," Petra says to him as she brings his cup to him, " I hate being called just 'coffee girl'. I mean, I'm not all about making coffee! I have other jobs to do other than just replenishing it, for god's sake!"

There, Levi realizes that women are crazy.


	10. rain, rain go away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a.k.a the only rw2017 prompt i got to make. day 3 - storm

"It's raining."

Petra looks at Levi to see him with his head down, not being able to see his face. He's standing in front of her and yet she finds it unnerving to hear that from him. She may not be able to hear the rumble or the supposed pitter patter of precipitation around her but she's focused on him alone.

"I'm sorry." He softly whispers, hoping she wouldn't hear him but she hears him nonetheless.

Petra watches as Levi produces a golden band-simple but engraved with a broken promise of a future-from his pocket and sets it down in front of her grave. His face overflowing with tears of grief and pain.

Too bad she's dead she thinks. She feels precipitation run down her face and she swallows back the taste of bitterness down her throat.

_{it's funny, really, it's not raining at all so why does everything feel so wet?}_


	11. what she wanted

Petra is never selfish.

She never asks for anything. She doesn't beg for anything either. Petra is not selfish and yet Levi wishes she is.

He doesn't know why he thinks as such. Isn't it only normal for someone to desire something in life? They're all human and he knows Petra is no stranger to that. So, he would sometimes ask her, mostly at late night when she's about to leave his office just right after bringing him some tea for the night.

Tonight is not most nights.

He asks, not lifting his face from the huge stacks of paper. "Is there something you want, Petra?"

Only then Petra would look back at him, confused. A reaction he got used to. After all, it is often he would dwell on other's wants such as a quick break from duty but of course that is something he doesn't permit. He isn't just a Captain of their squad for nothing.

"Should there be something, Captain?' she would reply.

Levi then clicks his tongue and sighs. He drops the pen from his hold and folds his arms, annoyed.

"Don't lie to me." He frowns at her.

"Captain?" she looks confused, lifting a brow at him.

"Don't look at me like that Petra, I know you have something in mind don't you."

Petra looks at him silently, as if reading his thoughts and when he thinks he almost got the answer right out from her, she shakes her head and turns her back from him. "It's nothing you can give me, Levi."

And there it is, the initial shock that comes through him upon the statement and before he was able to gather his thoughts, she leaves the room, not another word.

That night when he sleeps, he does not turn or twist in his bed, rather he stays quietly still pondering on what the copper haired girl truly wanted, if anything, from him.

_{few weeks later, right after the 57_ _th_ _expedition and after reading the letter her father gave him, Levi wonders if he should have given in to his wants instead.}_


	12. reflection

She doesn't want to talk about it.

It is like poison and she refuses to touch the subject. He doesn't know or understand why but he chooses not to, afraid it will cause a breakdown between the two of them.

His mother is like the sunshine. Bright as the sunlit sky with the smile of a thousand suns. She is the complete embodification of happiness.

Yet at the same time, she is not.

Just like the Sun, it hides after the Moon comes. She puts on a facade and reluctantly takes it off once she's alone.

She is strong and at the same time she is oh so weak, being his only parent figure ever since he l-

-He shakes his head. He doesnt want to remember. He does not need to remember the man that left them behind.

He stands in front of the mirror, as he fixes his attire. He straightens the tie and fixes the edges of the suit he's wearing. He has a big moment later on and he needs to look presentable. The short statured boy does not notice the older copper haired lady by the door.

"You look just like him." She mutters to herself, only to be heard by him who turned around shocked to find his mother by the doorway.

He returns to the look at the mirror. Why does she choose to talk about it now? He closes his eyes, breathing slowly. He hears the clacks from the heels of his mother coming towards him. He opens them.

She is beside him. A melancholic expression on her face yet her smile does not fall.

"You said that I look more like you." he says softly.

She hums and he stays silent, anticipating more from her.

"That may be true but I believe otherwise."

"Why?" He doesnt mean to say it but it came out so suddenly.

She is quiet at first, probably looking for an explanation as to why she said it or because she was surprised to be asked such a question. She thinks silently and while she does it, she looks at anything but him, her copper hair swaying. The ceiling, the shelf at her right, the floor, anywhere, anything but him she looked at not even at the mirror she's in front of.

He stands still, anxiety eating at him on why she is facing anywhere but him. Then it hits him.

She doesn't want to remember.

He looks at his reflection. His hair is the same color as his mother, styled in an undercut and neat as possible. He wonders why he chose this hairstyle. It seems oddly familiar.

"Your hair. It's styled the same as Levi's"

He glances at her. Her gaze is at their reflection, finally looking at his and her mirrored selves.

Levi. Is that his name? His father's name? He decides to test it.

"Levi..."

Levi. The name simply rolls off his tongue and he feels a bit closer to him. Even just by knowing his name. No wonder why he also feels comfortable with the hairstyle.

"Hmm..." She stares silently observing him.

"What else?" He asks.

"You have his grey eyes. Sharp looking as always and ever so observant. " She starts. In that moment he almost can see the light sparking in her eyes.

"You may not know it but you are also brutally honest in what you say, sometimes even annoying other people without realizing. He's also like that."

She tucks her hair behind her ear and a genuine smile finally sets on her lips. Happy to remember the old times.

"Unfortunately, you took after our height. He may lack in height but he can really pack a punch." She chuckles.

As quick it can be, the edges of her mouth turned downwards and she's sad once more.

"A lot keep telling me that you look just like me but I know that you resemble him more."

"Mom."

"Yes?"

"Do you still love him, after all these years?"

She does not speak. Petra then remembers of the time she finds herself alone in the middle of the night awake without a wink after finding her husband gone just like the wind. She finds herself lonely and crying his name, silently hoping not to wake their child.

Tears well up in her eyes but she suppresses it. Not now, not in front of him. And she still finds herself answering his question.

"I still do."

Looking at how heartbroken his mother was, he sighs at the sight of her never absent smile because even if she is feeling so much pain right now, he knows she's trying to stay strong for him, for them.

Which gave him more reason to embrace her, settling his face on the juncture of his mother's neck in comfort.

"I'm still here mom." He assures her, and he can feel her body racking with sobs. "I'm still here."

They stayed like that, with Petra in the arms of her child letting out all the supressed emotion she's been carrying for many years, and the accepting embrace of the son who endured his life even without the presence of his father.

"Mom." He whispers out, bringing up his head from the embrace.

"Yeah?" She smiles at him, ever so lovingly, and there he knows that they are enough.

"I love you."


	13. a lost voice

Sometimes he hears the rustle of the grass, bush and trees, waving side by side and in time with the wind, other times he takes note of each pitter patter of the rain as it drops from the sky, often times he would even listen to the constant chatter of the people around him, usually an ominous white noise to his worsening hearing condition.

But most of the time, he would just block it all out, deciding that, why bother? If his condition won't get any better, then why should he bother trying to drown in the sounds of such simple yet overlooked of all noises. Truthfully, he does not know the answer to that question.

Which is why most of the time, he thinks that maybe, just _maybe_ , the reason why Levi bothers trying to remember those specific sounds is because of the past activities that made him enjoyed life until now.

He remembers the constant whirring of the wind in his ears as he flies and soars through the sky, 3DMG in gear, passing through numerous trees and obstacles, relinquishing the light feeling as he moves.

He recalls on how hard the rain falls as it hits the ground, as they stay sheltered underneath the roof an old abandoned building of what used to be a safe home of a family, the cool air hitting them passed their uniform, making them shiver from the chill. Or how the rain is gently showering its precipitate, releasing a calming aura through his cadets, and sometimes he watches as they play under the rain to which he scolds them but not without hiding his amused smirk for them to see.

Lastly, he reminisces on his squad, his friends, their constant chatter easing the tension off everytime they leave or arrive from an expedition, laughter always seem to ring throughout their dining room and shared smiles reassuring that they got each other's backs.

And even after all this time, Levi can't seem to remember her voice. Was it soft? Gentle around him? Does she shout when mad? Does she hide her cries even when no one's watching?

How does she sound like when she says his name? Or when she says _I love you_?

The veteran grows crestfallen at this realization and no matter how hard he tries, Levi can never hear his beloved Petra Ral's voice ever again.


	14. levi feels like shit

"How many times do I have to tell you?" Levi scolds at her, groaning at how easy it is for Petra to know whether or not he has caught a cold. "I am not sick."

He watches as she struggles to show an amused smile, only making the supposed mocking look strained. Damn her, thinking that this is funny. If only he could get out of his bed and prove to her that he does not need her help but how could he when he's stuck under who knows how many layers of blankets she rolled him into.

"Oh come on Levi," she coos at him, bringing with her a fresh hot bowl of soup from the kitchen. "It's not that hard to admit it."

He still hasn't eaten yet and he could almost hear his stomach grumbling but since he's stubborn and doesn't want to admit he's wrong, he childishly rejects the meal.

Because of that, Petra knows how hard it is for Levi, her  _dear_  friend even if he's not helping at the moment, to admit being in the wrong, being the grumpy old man that he is. She watches him roll his eyes at her but she ignores it, resisting the urge to force the spoonful of soup down his throat.

He can really act like one of those brats, he calls, when he wants to be.

"You haven't eaten anything yet." She reminded him.

"I'm not hungry."

Sighing, Petra takes her seat right beside his be and decides to just spoonfeed him like the baby he is.

Almost like having read her thoughts, Levi objects. "I'm not a baby, you know."

Petra sticks her tongue at him, "You're acting like one."

"I'm not."

"Are too."

"I'm not."

"Can you just eat the soup?" Irritated by the way the conversation is heading, she says in an annoyed tone, "It's getting cold."

"Only if you let me feed myself." He grunts, grumpily straightening himself so that he could show the copper haired woman that he can handle himself very well without her help.

Of course, Petra takes this with such finesse and by that she willingly gives him the bowl, with the spoon settled in it and gives him one last sly look before walking away, not bothering to see the confused frown thrown at her way.

Once she's outside his room, she silently waits and starts counting in her head.

_Three... Two... One..._

"Fucking hell!" She hears a pained yelp coming from the inside and she smirks knowingly.

She opens the door to find the man soaked in the sheets, the bowl, now laying inverted on his lap, face reddening in quiet fury at the situation. Honestly, what would he do without her?

Slowly approaching the enraged raven haired man, she fixes him with a look that says I told you so and he visibly deflates in defeat.

Chuckling because she knows he has had enough, Petra places a quick peck on his lips and before he could react, she pulls away from his face.

"Don't worry dear," she chides, gently rubbing his still flushed face in comfort, grinning at his cute and adorable expression of being caught out of the blue, "I still love you."

It takes him a few moments to compose his thought before turning his face away from her, in embarassment. Petra hears him softly mutter, his lips turning slightly upwards. A rare sight but Petra feels her insides warm up, knowing it's only reserved for her.

"You better be."


	15. question

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just want to thank you guys who gave any kind of feedback. i know i haven't exactly thanked you guys but now i am. You don't know how much it made me happy.
> 
> Now onto this drabble.

"Do you ever think of retiring?" Petra asks him one night.

She's drawing circles on his bare shoulder with the soft pad of her thumb in, lying under the white sheets of his bed, their legs entangled with each other and her head resting on the space where Levi's neck connects with his shoulder, her warm breath sending a sudden but pleasant shudder in his spine as she mutters the words to the soft skin of his throat.

Petra does not have any real reason for asking, it just came as a passing thought and somehow it never left the recesses of her mind, the entire actuality it might make is always there in the back of her head as she imagines them leaving the military together. If they ever did decide upon it, would they live in a house together? Make that tea shop dream of Levi's happen and earn enough living to support their children? These thoughts run through her head and she pushes them all back down, guilt pooling in her gut.

' _Don't be selfish'_  she thinks.  _'That's already too much to ask for.'_

It's already enough that she is in his arms, even for just the night. That for every time everyone is asleep and gone, they don't have to pretend anymore that she's just Petra Ral, the only female chosen subordinate of the infamous "Humanity's Strongest" Captain Levi to be in his squad, always obeying and respecting his commands because he is a rank higher than hers. Nor do they have to hide from the others if they try to sneak a quick kiss or affectionate gesture, in secrecy. When alone, they're just Petra and Levi, no titles, no rankings, no anything. They're just two persons in love…

…and that's the problem. Petra wants something  _more_.

But she's thinking too much about it and the word  _selfish_  comes to mind; Petra stops herself. So, she just waits in lying wait for his answer.

Their bodies are pressed flushed together and Levi takes the moment to place a soft kiss on the top of her head. He still has yet to give her his reply, and maybe Petra noticed the hint of a flash spark in his silvery orbs before it fades away, she fights the urge of a growing hope but remain silent. The copper haired woman gives him a moment to ponder.

That is when Levi pulls away from her when she feels an odd feeling settle within her. The calloused hand that was holding her back has now found its way to her jaw, slightly tilting it upwards so they can see each other eye to eye. Although Levi holds his usual stoic expression, Petra can feel the warmth in his eyes, smiling at him as they continue wordlessly staring at each other.

"Maybe." Is all he says before pressing another gentle kiss on her forehead before bringing their bare bodies together, in an embrace. Levi props his head atop hers so that he can feel his chin touching her coppery tresses, whispering to her. "Now go to sleep, Petra."

Mumbling under her breath she nods but even if she tries drowning herself to sleep, she can't help but ignore the thoughts that plague the back of her mind telling her of what Levi might mean when he answered her question. Mentally berating herself, she halts her thought process, and yawns, realizing how tired she had been during the day. Not taking long, slumber consumes her.

She does not get to see the wistful gaze Levi makes as he looks down on her sleeping form, pondering on the possibilities that emerged when she asked him. Somehow, his thoughts turn to the small black box kept hidden away in his locked drawer, wondering when he should leave the army with her just so he could present it to his lover.

Smiling at the prospect of it all, he tries to imagine how she will react.


	16. doctor & patient

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting this here because I can't decide whether to make this a separate series or not. Tell me what you think.

She wakes up in a cold sweat, a gasp escaping from her sorely dry and parched throat, and she almost loses herself in the dizzying sight as she suddenly has to take in all of the surroundings around her: the vibrant colors of pale white and the bright flashes of sunlight, illuminating the side of her face; the constant beeping of a machine that she can't fathom to understand, only knowing that it follows the rhythm of her palpitating and obviously beating heart.

A feeling she thought she wouldn't be able to experience, that is until now.

She still lies on her back, although the intensity of how she woke up seems to contradict of how awake she is. It only occurred to her that she can't feel the rest of her body, only the cool touch of tubes strapped to her right arm. The frustrating inability to flex her toes and fingers, aggravates her, only a subtle slow and yet throbbing kind of pain as she tries to move the appendage.

Her back is what kept her still ever since she woke up, a prickling sensation coming from the center of her spine, possibly the vertebrae, tingling with pins and needles from long durations of idleness.

She supposes this is all just a dream, a dream that holds certain key elements. Key elements that she is lacking. This is all too surreal and everything around keeps her awake, mind active with thoughts running on and about. Far too long she stays in a restless wakeful state, far too long to be even considered a lucid dream.

The aching of her head has yet to pass, only a dull pulsating for now, and it takes everything in her will to just keep herself occupied; away from falling asleep yet again because the thought of not comprehending her current situation is far too much unnerving.

She may not know what is happening, around and to her, but she hates keeping herself in the dark. One thing she knows that is she hates not knowing.

As she tries to organize her thoughts, as constructive as she can, knowing that only dwelling in the unnecessary will only lead to more confusion, she first tries to observe her room.

As far as she could tell, she's in a small room. A hospital room to be precise. Judging by the medical equipment stationed beside her bed, their constant beeping and processing of data, and the neat and tidy stools placed just at the end of her bed given that there is no crease on the cushioned stools, not many has visited her.

Disheartened by her assumption, she wonders if it has something with her condition, feeling that she has stayed unconscious for who knows how long.

Aside from those, she spots a white coat hanging by the door which is a few meters away from her position. Confused and curious, she thinks if someone has forgotten it by accident but upon further squinting (she's applying too much pressure on her neck as she tries to turn her head upwards just to look at it and she has to stop herself before it becomes too painful.)

She sees a small tag pinned on its side – maybe its breast pocket? – and tries to read the words on the name tag.  _Dr. Ackerman_?

Looking up in her mental vault of names and contacts she comes up with blank. Another thing she just realized is that while she can't seem to have any known names of anyone she knows, she comes up blank with her own. Raising herself an already red flag from just trying to remember who she is, is just as bad as not knowing how she got herself into her current condition.

Not good.

Then again, she realizes that she's too exhausted to search in the deepest parts of her mind to gather who exactly she is: her name, her age, are her parents even alive? and the like; deciding to just get back to it later on, when she's well composed both physically and mentally.

So, she finds herself staring at the white bland ceilings, no strength to even tilt her head a few degrees to her side –  _must be temporary, the pain_ , she tells herself – only managing to glance around the place at her peripherals.

Countless minutes –  _hours?_  – continue to pass by and she finds herself bored. Nothing to do, nor can she even manage her voice. A frail and croaky sound, throat vibrating and sore. Amazing. She sounds like a dying frog.

She inwardly mock laughs at herself, not even concerned that she's obviously getting miserable just lying in wait, hoping that someone can finally break her out of the maddening silence.

That is until she hears the swift open of the door, the faint chattering of people outside in the background breaks the silent loom of the room before it stops at once. She hears the click of the door indicating that it had been shut close.

As if on instinct, she shuts her eyes close, feigning sleep but maybe the other person present is quite perceptive or that the obvious trembling of her fingers made it apparent that she is in fact not in the previous condition she had been previously. That is too say, unconscious.

That and she hears a sharp intake of air before she listens to the almost uninterested and surprisingly familiar voice, proving to her that they had known of her being conscious when they entered her hospital room.

"Oh, you're awake."

Finding that there is no use to pretend when in fact she had been caught, she opens her eyes, still blurry admittedly. Flakes of dust staining her vision but she ignores this. Instead focusing on the sole voice that has most likely came to check on her present condition.

He's still out of sight and her neck aches from her previous act of giving too much pressure from tilting but she finds her breath hitching when sees the man with a bored expression peering down at her from above. The clump of raven black hair first enters her sights, tidied and shining. His lips a thin line, almost like a scowl for what reason the woman doesn't know, but she doesn't know why but she can feel a sudden glimmer in his cold and silvery orbs, ones that looked so cold and alone.

The moment is quick. His face in her line of vision before he leans back and occupies himself with checking her for any irregularities.

"Feeling comfortable?" He asks, voice smooth with no underlying trace of emotion.

She tries to mutter out words of acknowledgment that yes, she is really uncomfortable. Her neck is aching and she can still feel the prickling sensation down her spine, and she is both physically exhausted and mentally drained out but she only musters a croaky "Yes."

She hears him breathe a sigh, one that sounds too tired and equally exhausted as her. What's weird is that she finds him wearing a cravat, neatly tucked on his plain white long sleeves, based from the few seconds she saw of him in full view.

Another second passes by and the shuffling of feet moves closer to her, only stopping by a few meters on her side the side with the medical equipment.

"I guessed as much." She watches him in her peripheral. He's inspecting the hanging IV bag by her bedside, checking if it has the appropriate amount of liquid needed.

Turning his face back at hers, he says, "For now, your vitals appear to be functional, no fluctuations in any parts of your organs that I found and I strongly suggest you take a rest." He regards her for another few seconds for her to process before inquiring, "Do you understand?"

She looks at him in the eyes, those mystifying orbs that somehow held her in place, and almost forgets to nod in understanding. He returns the gesture before turning on his heels and heading for the exit.

"Oh and one more thing," he blurts out before she can hear him turn the knob, "If you need anything just press the assistance button for the nurses. They'll be of assistance."

She hears the quick shut of the door and once she knows she's alone again, she glances at the door. He hasn't even told her his name. So, before she starts to overthink again, she attempts to drown herself to sleep, listening to the rhythmic, almost calming thumping of her heart.

She does not even realize the lack of coat hanging by the door.

.

.

.

The next time she wakes up, she hears him before she sees him. Softly mumbling out words incoherent to her, and she releases a low groan before opening her eyes.

She's greeted by the sight of him sitting on a stool, just by the foot of her bed. He's sitting straight and the scowl on his face is present as ever.

"Ms. Ral?"

Huh? Who's that, she thinks to herself but the nonsensical look on the man's face and the fact that they're the only two present in the room brings her to a conclusion that she might be said person.

She gives him a noncommittal hum, not finding the herself to say anything.

"Do you remember anything from before?" He blurts out, not beating around the bush and this takes her back, albeit she's thankful that she does not have to be one to break the news.

She nods. He sighs.

"I had a feeling this were the case," he pinches the bridge of his nose, drawing his eyes close and lets out another sigh. "The CT scans appears to be fine but apparently not."

She parts her lips, only slightly but shuts it close once she sees him open his eyes only for his frown to harden.

Honestly, she wonders why this affecting him so much when she is the patient and not him. Probably it's from the stress of being a doctor. Yeah, maybe that's it.

"I don't understand?" She finally says, confusion etched on her face, surprised that her throat does not hurt as much as before when she speaks, now much smoother.

The raven haired man regards her for another moment and takes another deep breath.

"Your name is Petra Ral, age 21, and upon coming home from school, you became a victim from someone's careless and drunk driving. You were hit and was sent crashing on a nearby tree, your back unimaginably bent. Thus leading you a three weeks comatose and a spinal fracture that will leave you crippled from the torso below."

He recites this as if reading from a book and Petra –the name is foreign on her lips–isn't sure whether to be shocked that she can't,  _won't_ , walk anymore –no wonder she can't feel her legs anymore– or that the person responsible for her recuperation is saying all these with no hint of emotion.

"I – I…" she stutters, and she mentally slaps herself for not getting her thoughts straight. This is just too much for her to take in.

"Save it." He stands up from the stool, not breaking eye contact. His silvery orbs glazed with unknown feeling she can't help but stay silent. "For now, we will hold some tests for you but that won't be for two days later."

"But…"

Arranging his coat on his form, propping up the sleeves to his shoulders, he now gently says, "Your relatives and friends have been worried sick, demanding when they can see you, Ms. Ral. I suggest you not push yourself too hard and take your time."

His previous hardened expression now softens and maybe Petra can see the slight concern on him.

He's now heading for the door and before Petra can stop herself, she yells "Wait!"

The doctor stops in his tracks and turns to her, eyebrows raised in mild expectance.

It's now the girl's turn to stop in her tracks and fidgets in place. "Your name?"

"My name?" He repeats.

"You haven't told me your name." She stares at him, determined to know.

The doctor stares right back at her and a few seconds pass before he says, "Levi."

Petra watches him for another second, processing.

"Dr. Levi Ackerman." He clarifies. "But you can call me Levi." And then he leaves.

Petra sits there on her hospital bed, wondering why he decided to give her his first name and thinks back on how his icy irises twinkled with amusement and relief before walking out the door.


	17. collections

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't have any excuses for not updating, just know i still love these two.

**_(comfort)_ **

She gets nightmares after the incident. Not that it is unusual but Petra does not welcome it at all.

She may have grown used to the god-awful dreams her subconscious mind has made whenever she goes to sleep, the terrifying images that lingers in the back of her head, especially when she wakes up in a cold sweat, breathing ragged, her trembling form as she tries to ground herself while tears threaten to fall.

Nightmares are always a constant in their line of work, but somehow these nightmares are much, much worse than usual.

It always shows the same event over and over and over again, never nothing else, never changing its focus, no matter what, she always dreams of her teammates, her  _friends_ , getting killed in cold blood over and over and over again right before her eyes.

The worst part is that there's nothing she could do but watch.

So, when she wakes up shaking and sobbing in pain for her lost friends, and for herself, only to be firmly held within strong arms, whispers of comfort muttered to the soft pads of her skin and soft promises that they are fine, that  _she is okay_ ; and even if Levi knows that nothing else could ever replace them, he hopes that just by kissing away her tears would be enough to send the message across that he is still alive, that he is still _here_.

* * *

**_(grip)_ **

"Can't sleep?"

Petra turns her head to meet the owner's voice and nods respectfully, finding none other than Captain Levi still in his uniform, and judging by the time she can say that he is busy finishing his reports. Though they're both currently in the mess hall and from the dark rings beneath his eyes, Petra's fortunate to have some tea readied by then.

"I'm guessing that you're here for the refreshments" she says, going back to her previous position, where she's just staring right at her cup of tea, and watches as the smoke flies upwards before it fades away. She picks it up with her lithe fingers and takes a quick sip before she finds the Captain taking a seat opposite to hers, a similar designed teacup in hand.

"If you already knew," he reaches for the pot across her and Petra carefully help push it towards him, "Why bother asking?"

Petra shrugs at him and they leave it at that.

She watches as the Captain pours himself his drink and brings up his cup to his mouth, with that all too familiar but unusual way of carrying. All his fingers grasping at the sides of the ceramic. It's a peculiar habit but she finds it amusing.

Levi must have noticed her stare because he raises a brow at her and asks, "What's so funny?"

Petra realizes she must have been smiling so wide at him, probably looking like an idiot by now, but she doesn't bother to hide it, and just lets out a low chuckle before picking up her used utensils and heads towards the kitchen sink

"Nothing."

* * *

**_(ruined)_ **

Love is such a cruel thing. It, at first, gives a sense of blissfulness and peacefulness but it can take out your soul in a matter of seconds, leaving nothing behind. That is what he feels right now.

The room he stands in the middle of is dark, though the moonlight from his windows battles for a clear entrance, seemingly from the curtains blocking it. He does not feel at first. Silence roams his surroundings, so quiet enough for him to hear the thundering pace of his heart.

Abruptly, he tosses the table in front of him and disarray starts to form both in his room and mind, in anger. Sounds of furniture breaking fills his ears and, for the first time, he does not care if he makes a mess, too angry with the world to care.

It is until he sees a glitter of light on the floor and he picks it up. Its small diamond being held by its circular band.

He meant to give it to her. That is until she was taken away.

Memories of blood and gunshots returns and he crumples on the ground, his back supported by the wall. He remembers his uncle shoving his gun towards her head, her cries for him and him tied up, being unable to do anything. The man in the room remembers her body falling to the ground, dead.

He, with a person of a dark past, knew that being with her, pure and innocent, could never truly happen. Though as much as he tries to deny her at first, he soon fell for her, hard. He knows his past will catch up to him. He knows what else could happen to her. He knows that he'll surely have to pay the price.

For he, a man with intentions of being detached with human emotions, could never become whole again. Even if somebody comes to patch him up, it only leads to him becoming more undeserving to live in this world.

So, as he throws the useless thing away, he begins to feel so lost in this world.

For love has truly ruined him.


	18. collections ii

**_(coffee)_ **

When Levi finds himself in his favorite coffee shop for the fifth time that morning not only to find his preferred order unavailable but also to find the coffee shop closed, he can't help but die in the inside for not having his fill of caffeine for the day.

His quiet sulking got interrupted when he hears a chuckle behind him only to find Hanji, his eccentric and annoying dorm mate whose room is a living tornado, laughing at his utterly wasted state of no coffee, and he can't help but scowl at her.

"What are you doing here?" Levi hisses at her, already cracking his knuckles at an attempt to scare the crazy biology major away.

Hanji does not seem fazed at the slightest, only realigning her glasses at the bridge of her nose and grins at him. "I heard you've been going here back and forth for a couple of times by now."

Levi feels a vein pop. "So?"

"Oh, I don't know," she rolls her eyes at the glare directed at her and clicks her tongue before sauntering towards him. Her grin does not disappear even if he's practically glowering at her, ready to attack his provoker. "A little birdy told me, coffee is not the only thing you came here for."

"With that in mind, I also came here to see you writhe in frustration and savor your failure." Hanji says before leaping away from his vicious yank.

"Get back here, shitty four eyes!" He yells after her, watching as she runs away with the speed of a cheetah, her laughter fading away as she's getting farther and farther away.

* * *

**_(gala)_ **

She's in the palace, donning the richest and finest gowns she ever owns. Admittedly, she detests it, the cloth is too itchy and tight, and the white lacy dress is barely covering her cleavage, serving no part in modesty. Much to her dismay it also attracts many of her visitors' eyes, both from her father's chosen suitors and the presumptuous elder nobles. Petra has to resist rolling her eyes at their exaggerated qualms of magnificence and honor, trying to win her heart.

She really hated her father's galas and other luxurious events to make their family name even more known.

Petra's listening to an older nobleman, going on about how their precious vineyard has accumulated many harvests that then turned into a successful business of wine-selling. He plays with his moustache as he says this and attempts to charm her by taking her hand in his, kissing the back of her palm and promises to give her a tour when they have time.

She brushes his advances off, politely declining the offer and excusing herself that she might not be able to make it as her schedule for months to come is completely filled. Petra watches him leave, and sighs with relief as she probably had enough of being bombarded with egocentric goons.

"Lady Ral?"

She looks to her right, where her bodyguard stands a few meters to her back and finds him wearing his usual attire, a white polo overlapped by his black vest. It looks formal enough for him to pass off as a visitor but no one pays him too much thought, his ever-present scowl always scaring others away.

Not that he likes the attention anyway.

"Yes?" She turns herself to face him. The lady of the house watches her bodyguard shift in place, fiddling with his cravat in obvious discomfort. His facial features turn sharper, his brows furrowing deeper and scowl deepening if that can actually happen, and Petra has to restrain a giggle from his lack of discretion.

"I take it you want to retire for the night." She walks towards him in slow but sure steps. When he's right in front of her, she gives him a sly grin and coyly arranges his disarranged cravat, staring at him through it all. "Isn't that right, Levi?"

He stiffens at the touch, and Petra knows she's got an excuse to leave early when she hears the low rumble coming from his throat.

* * *

**_(gift)_ **

"Captain Levi."

He stops in his thought process, turning to look at the person who just called him. He finds Petra behind him, holding an envelope in her hand and reaching it out to him.

"What's this?" He asks, grabbing the envelope from her grasp and turns it towards him. It's a simple white envelope, nothing written on it except for Petra's handwriting of his name. He feels for anything inside but it's flat and probably just filled with a piece of paper

"Oh, a gift." Is all she says and he glances at her, questioningly. Petra shrugs at him and gestures to the envelope. "Just open it. There's nothing bad, I promise."

Quietly, he opens the envelope not too forcefully but enough to keep the envelope in perfect shape. Just like he predicted, a piece of folded paper was kept inside the envelope and he wonders why Petra would show him a piece of paper.

Levi knows that Petra's watching him, and he takes another glance her way before focusing back on the object in his hand. He unfolds the paper and realizes it's a letter addressed to him.

He reads the first three sentences before giving the copper haired woman a confused stare, "What do you mean, you want a military leave?"

She's getting impatient, this he knows because her brows are furrowed in annoyance and she's biting her lower lip. Petra's gesturing more aggressively to the letter in his hand now and urged him. "Just read it Levi!"

Deciding to do just that, he concentrates on finishing the letter only to find his breath hitching and heart almost stopping when he finds himself stuck on one sentence. Gripping the paper tightly in his hand, he slowly lifts his gaze to Petra and finds her smiling softly at him.

"Petra…" he drawls out, not being able to find his voice, "Is this true?"

She nods her head at him, tears now falling from her face, and in quick strides Levi has her in his embrace. Her face in his hands as he looks at her with wonder and awe. The look of tenderness in Levi's eyes brings Petra to cup her hand on his and place a chaste kiss on his fingers.

"So," she whispers to his palm, "Does this mean you're happy?"

Levi chuckles to himself, before kissing the top of her head.

"Always."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1 - I love Hanji teasing the hell out of Levi, ok  
> 2 - this is something out of a big fic i got on my drafts that is still unfinished  
> 3 - if you didn't get it, the letter is asking for a maternity leave. I was also kinda sappy writing this one.


	19. last dance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: "Let me dance with you one last time." Nothing haunts us like the things we don't say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (happy bday to me~)

Her dress shimmered under the ballroom lights. Her beautiful white gown sways from side to side as she dances ever so gracefully. The bright smile she wears doesn't lose its luster and he can tell that she is the source of this wonderfully joyous aura that the others feel around her. Her bright and beautiful figure, enjoying the presence of everyone in the venue.

The music stops and people come to an applause at the amazing spectacle before he breaks himself out of his stupor, drink in hand almost forgotten.

He brings the rim of the glass to his lips and Levi takes a sip, gaze shifting from the dance floor to the glass of wine.

Leaning against a corner where he is far from the other invited guests, Levi stares off at the people at the dance floor.

To be honest, he didn't really want to come but thanks to a certain shining copper haired who actually has mostly everyone's attention even his, he reluctantly obliges. Levi quietly sighs at how easily he was persuaded to attend. Well, nothing gets past her and he is no exception to that, even if he is – no,  _was_ , he corrects himself – her commanding officer.

Levi continues to look at Petra who is accepting a dance from Aurou, lucky bastard, when another music starts. He hears somebody whistle but does not break his focus on the pair.

"Beautiful, isn't she?"

Hanji positions herself a few inches away from him. Following Levi's line of sight, she smiles at the sight of Aurou accidentally biting his tongue yet again and a laughing Petra. She hears the raven haired man snort and that's when her grin falters.

"You still have to go up to her, you know." She states, dejected.

Hanji examines the quietly watching man beside her. He does not say a word, preferring not to think of it at the moment. She sighs at him. He really can be stubborn at times too but when it so happens that he might be feeling bad right now, Hanji can't help but feel very worried for him. He is still her friend, after all.

"I know." is all he says as he makes his way to the dance floor, treading through the other people.

The music stops and the pair breaks from each other's grasps upon reaching them. Aurou nods at him respectfully, noticing him first. Petra then turns to him, surprised. Did she think he wouldn't come? Probably so since he hasn't showed up to her at all.

"May I?" He asks as a waltz starts up.

Aurou nods at him politely and with a good luck thrown towards the petite female to which was shot with a glare, he left them.

Petra focuses his gaze on him still quite unsure of what to say. They position themselves to a waltz and their dancing starts. Her form is stiff, judging by her tense hold on his, no doubt anxious. The copper haired woman is not even looking at him, concern settling in her, and no not the good kind of concern. She's scared. Levi inwardly grimaces at the thought.  _Her, afraid of him?_

"Petra." His voice is so low, he can't even hear it from the music but said person hears it nonetheless. She raises her head at him, cocking it to the side as if in question.

"I…" he tries to speak but the words won't come out.

Petra must have noticed his uneasiness because she gives him an understanding gaze and Levi knows from all the moments they had when they have the morning to themselves, drinking coffee in the silence of their comforting presence, that he doesn't need to explain any further.

So, instead he lets his actions do the talking, he is a man of action after all. His stiff hands now holding hers with certainty and he can feel her slowly lean towards him as he leads them to a wordless conversation.

Her eyes are on his, auburn and silver clashing. To them, there is no one else ln the room, they are now in their trapped in the space that is only for the two of them. No one else. Levi feels his fingers burning under his skin, from her touch, but he does not dare to let go. Only focusing on her as he guides them to spin and twirl, their steps sure and confident, as they are both used to this. The band music only a faint noise in the background as they begin to move with the many years of practice under the starlit sky, the loud and rhythmic beating of their heart coming to one as they maneuver with ease.

They are synchronized, their steps mirroring each other's and they don't need to speak with words to know what to do next. A splendid pair, other's might say as they watch them. There are only a few who can perfectly match with one so easily and with much familiarity. Others might say, what a shame, only knowing that there must have been a could-have-been.

Though there a lot of things Levi wants to say, a lot of things Levi wanted to show but knows he cannot and Levi couldn't help but break their spell. Letting go from her hold as Petra was about to spin towards him, and maybe she knew what he was about to do, maybe she understood what it meant, what it finally meant for the both of them. Knew that, of course, they had to let go of each other one way or another. Maybe Levi knew that he had no chance at all from the start because Petra's the sun while he's the moon and therefore unreachable; and maybe Petra also knew that he's too stubborn to actually realize how much he meant to her, but there's the deal breaker, the  _meant_  in the statement. Meant, as in, past tense. Meant, as in,  _been there done that_. Finally, meant as in,  _I found someone new and I'm crying because there could have been an us_.

Because, in the end, not everyone gets what they want even if they truly wanted it and Levi.  _Poor, poor sweet Levi_ , his silvery blue orbs latching on to the last details of his dear beloved Petra Ral, as he finally lets go of her and vanishes into the night, mind not forgetting the silent message the copper haired woman has given him, his heart thundering painfully in his chest as he feels droplets fall down his face.

_I'm sorry, Levi, but it just didn't happen._

Levi remembers telling a young brat to choose the decision that will bring the least regret and bitterly laughs at himself, because in the end, he has definitely made the biggest regret in his life.


	20. vera

He hears her before he sees them. He was just outside the door when he hears a cry from inside the hospital room Petra's in, and a part of him feels like he's about to burst. From what, he couldn't tell. Only that he knows that it is definitely a good feeling.

When he opens the door though, Levi swears he could feel his heart swell at the sight.

Petra hasn't seen him yet, still immersed with the small bundle of joy in her arms, gently swaying her in such a way that makes the small human's cries turn into small whimpers for attention, and constantly humming something that Levi does not know but brings a small upturn to the corners of his lips.

There's something about the sight that makes Levi tear up and he doesn't even stop the sudden and slow downpour of tears when Petra slightly turns her head to finally notice his presence, and she smiles sincerely at him saying. "Levi, come look at her."

The sound of his name coming from her lips coaxes him to come closer, to come look at the precious symbol of their love and he wordlessly follows.

He doesn't know what to expect really. He only knows that it is a girl – no, he  _believes_ it – even though Petra doubts it would be from the start when they both found out of her pregnancy, laughing at how intent he was that it would be a she, and true to his word it came true, but Levi knows that she would look perfect already in his eyes.

Upon closer inspection, when he is sitting by his wife's side, Levi's greeted by the sight of silver orbs staring right back at him and a hint of copper hair on her crown. His child now frozen with silent curiosity. Petra notices the abrupt quietness coming from their daughter and gently chuckles realizing that it was due to her father's presence.

Small chubby arms reach up towards him, and incoherent sounds of joy erupts from the baby's lips, asking for him. Levi only looks at his daughter surprised, not knowing what to do but he catches his wife's expecting gaze towards him and he slowly and gently takes the kid from Petra's hold, grateful for Erd's lesson on how to hold a baby and what to expect.

She is silently staring at him expectantly with those same silvery irises. He somehow hoped that it would hold the same amber as Petra's, so that it would display the same warmth whenever he looks at his beloved but Levi guesses that this is alright. even though he says that his looks cold, the same could not be said for his precious angel. She may inherit his eye color but everything else is from her mother's even the bright beam on her little face, and he flashes her a small smile.

"Hello, Vera." The name - _faith_ , the name means and there's nothing else that sounds more befitting as it stands for the couple's unyielding faith - slips from his lips and Levi turns to sees the copper haired woman's approving nod before placing a soothing kiss on his daughter's forehead. Petra watches him proudly by his side and she now knows that their family is complete.

 

"Welcome home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hit me up if you want more of my rivetra kid. I have a lot of ideas planned out for her :)


	21. grief

He's not exactly being subtle about it. No, not at all. I mean how could he, when he is deliberately intoxicating himself to oblivion. The bitter smell of whiskey mixed with the odor of dried blood makes it look so easy to be whisked away from reality, to be easily swayed to forget the horrible events that took place earlier this day.

Oh, if only.

Instead Hanji is forced to keep the man some company albeit reluctantly since he has been explicitly telling her to "leave me the fuck alone". The scientist does not let this deter her from providing at least some kind of support.

The recent loss has hit him the most after all.

Levi had grumpily accepted her unwanted presence, only grunting incoherent slurs under his breath when she tries to start a conversation. It is only when he slams down his fifth bottle of liquor and silence reigns the mess hall for more than a comfortable moment that the scientist straightens her back in her chair, eyes focused on the Captain sitting opposite to her.

"I did it again." He whispers, bangs covering his face, but his voice is loud enough for Hanji to catch his words and she catches her breath in anticipation. "I fucking let it happen again."

The hands that are holding the liquor bottle tightens in his grip and the scientist can see white spots beginning to form. She can see him gritting his teeth in frustration. Hanji does not react, only watches him. He needs this.

"I'm a shitty person, Hanji." At the mention of her name, she flinches but stays quiet. "I fucking let my team down."

"I abandoned them, to fend for themselves. "Levi brings up his face to look at her, eyes burning with regret and brimming with unshed tears. "What kind of leader am I if I keep on leaving my men to die?"

"I'm so pathetic." He bitterly laughs to himself, letting go of his hold on the bottle and curls his fingers into a fist. " I'm better off dead from the start."

" _Don't say that!"_

Hanji does not know what came to her because next thing she knew, she's on her feet, palms slammed on the wooden table before her and a fiery glare pointed towards the Captain of the now member less Special Operations squad. Levi's now staring back at her, silently shocked at her exclamation.

"Don't you ever say that Levi." She repeats, tone firm with conviction and much more serious than her usual one whenever she talks about the titans. "You're so much better than that. They knew the costs of getting into battle, they knew what they were doing."

" _She_   _knew_  what she was doing."

The man only scoffs at her in denial and sends her a self-deprecating smirk, saying. "Her father came up to me, Hanji. Kept on talking about how she'll devote herself to me, Hanji. How am I supposed to tell him that I let his fucking  _daughter_  to die!"

She sighs at him, and relieves herself of her previous tense stance. Hanji only shrugs, not really knowing what to say. After all, she didn't know how to exactly feel in his situation but if it were her, she would have never drunk to forget their honorable sacrifice. They deserved better than that.

"You're missing the point Levi." She sets to fix the chair she used back into its place, hands curled on the chair's backrest and looks at Levi with concern laced with gentleness "Even if they knew they had no chance, it doesn't mean that they blamed you for it."

Levi only stares at her, expression unreadable but if Hanji has to guess he's probably reflecting on her words. She smiles at him, a soft and small one enough to relay to him that 'she's here if he wants somebody to talk to' and turns around to retire for the night. It has been a long day, indeed. Only to stop when Levi calls out her name once again, this time without its usual hardness.

"Yes?" she slightly turns to look at him, and sees him cradling a piece of paper in his hands, holding it to his chest where his heart lies underneath. Where he got that from, she doesn't know.

"I loved her, you know."

It is merely but a faint sound, but it holds so much emotions that makes the words so loud enough that Hanji couldn't help but give him a look of empathy.

"I know." She whispers back, and walks away.

 


	22. promise

"Do you ever think we can escape?"

The question woke him up from his drowsiness. The dim atmosphere of their prison only dampening his hopes of going back home. He turns to his side, seeing his only cellmate sitting with the concrete wall to her back and her legs huddled to her chest. She's not really looking at him, her longing gaze implying that she's not really here, that she's not imprisoned and caged and not almost always beaten up to submission.

Levi only finds him internally sighing at the feeling. He gives her one last look before lying back on his other side of the cell, back to her, muttering. "Who knows."

He thinks back on the days where he would always throw pebble stones at the river with Isabel and Farlan. Making a betting contest on who'd make the pebbles bounce on the water the most times. Obviously, he'd win but even then, those were fun.

He remembers the feeling of the wind hitting his cloak when he'd ride onto his horse, letting the rain water hit him hard in the face, but he did not let it bother him, only concentrating on quickly leading his black mare back home when he first heard the alarm. He can vividly hear its piercing sound; the bell repetitively being ranged in four quick and loud successions.

Levi does not even want to recall how he ended up seeing Isabel, teary eyed and a shrill cry calling out for him before seeing red splattering his face, head rolling onto the ground. Farlan meanwhile was the same, except smiling hoping probably that he'd manage to escape before being stabbed from behind.

Like the hotheaded and naive boy he was, he did not think to run. He only saw red before getting beat up himself. He could not leave them. No, not again when he was so late in saving them.

"Levi."

He is brought back from his thoughts by the soft voice laced with concern and a pair of amber eyes staring right back at him. He vaguely notices that he is now lying on his back, both Petra's palms on the ground either side of him and that their faces are only a few centimeters apart.

"Hmm?" he hums because he does not know what to say in this situation.

The raven haired man sees her swallow in uncertainty and she reluctantly pulls back, and decides to lie down next to him. He can feel her warmth nearby and he resists the feeling to grab her hand. He settles with propping his arm on his forehead instead.

They stay quiet for a while. Letting the stillness and the cold stale air waft around them before Levi can hear the woman break the silence.

"Do you miss it?" she asks.

He wonders if she's referring to his long dead friends. A small part of him knows that isn't really what she's asking for.

"Maybe." He settles on.

Levi can feel her move in her place, adjusting so that she is facing him, and he mirrors the gestures. Petra reaches for the arm draped on his head and he lets her take it. She plays with his hand, rubbing her thumbs through the open palm of his hand, her eyes never leaving his and she whispers. "I love you."

Levi does not say anything. Instead, he brings an arm around her waist to pull her in, holding her in his arms and kisses the top of her head. He hears her sigh in relief, nuzzling closer to his neck and whispers back to her. "I'll find a way, don't worry. I'll get us both out of here."

"I promise." Levi only hopes that he'll be right.

 


	23. warmth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: "Hug me so I can get warm."

"Levi, I'm cold."

He turns to look behind him to find Petra, sitting atop his bed, legs crossed and wrapped in the thickest layer of blanket he has covering her from head to toe so that only a portion of her face can be seen. Her voice if muffled against the wool and he can see her shivering from the cold, if her stating it out loud isn't any more indication that is.

Though even if she is definitely feeling the worst of the night's chilly atmosphere with it being winter in addition, Levi could not find it in himself to give a damn. Choosing to look back to his screen with an unfinished report for Erwin, stupid bastard setting up the deadline just right before their Christmas break, he mutters out an, "Well isn't that a bummer."

That earned him a pillow thrown towards him and causing some accidental typos to his report. He hears a huff of indignation from behind and Levi couldn't help but throw a glare at the offender.

"What?"

"I'm serious, Levi." She sticks her tongue at him, wrapping herself even more. "I'm cold. Freezing, even."

"Well, you would not be this cold if you hadn't eaten that whole pint of ice cream." He points out, spinning his chair to pick up the misplaced pillow and placing it on his lap.

"I couldn't help it," she explains, pouting her lips and shrugging her shoulders underneath the thick layer of warmth. She couldn't help it, she likes ice cream "Ice cream tastes better in the cold."

"And now you're freezing."

"It was worth it, though." She defends.

Levi clicks his tongue in annoyance. He feels like he should do something about this so that Petra can stop bothering him and get on with his task but on the other hand he thinks that maybe he should just leave her be.

He goes with the latter. Nevermind that she's cold, it is her fault after all. Spinning his chair again to continue back to his work, he ignores the copper haired woman's complaints.

"I'm dying, Levi." Petra says, her tone teasing, after realizing that he is ignoring her. "I'm shivering in the cold and I'm about to die from hypothermia."

"Don't be ridiculous," he grunts out, pausing in his work to pinch the bridge of his nose and not bothering to look at her. "You're wrapped up in who knows how many lay–"

"–It's just one blanket." She cuts him off, hopping up and down in her place in hopes of getting warmer, the bed creaking from the exertion. "Plus, it's not enough."

"Oh, for god's sakes Petra." He scoffs, spinning again his chair to fix her a look of disapproval with his arms crossed in front of his chest. "What the hell do you want me to do?"

Petra raises an eyebrow at that, completely caught surprised that he decided to prompt her for a solution. She gives him a momentarily thoughtful look before her smile widens and Levi only hopes it is nothing too dreadful.

"Hug me so I can get warm." She says.

A hopeful look is plastered on her face, one that makes Levi all but sigh. "You know I still have to finish this report."

"Just one hug, please?" Petra brings out both of her hands and pleads to him. She does not care if she's letting the cold in, she just wants that hug now. "Come on, Levi. One hug is all I need."

The raven-haired man internally sighs, wondering back on why and how he fell in love with this woman, but seeing the genuine and repentant look on Petra's face, for bothering him a while ago probably, makes him relent.

Finalized in his decision, he quickly walks towards her, climbing atop his bed before encasing her still blanketed form in a tight embrace.

Levi feels her melt in his touch, a relieved sigh escaping her lips before pulling away from him to unwrap herself then covering them both with the thick wool, her arms winding themselves around his waist.

After a while he asks her in a whisper, arms still holding her. "Better?"

She presses herself against his chest and smiles.

"Better."


	24. let me drive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year! Sorry, personal life is so hectic didn't get to post this on time and luckily there'll be two updates this time.
> 
> Prompt requested by anon: "Pull over. Let me drive for awhile."

The thing about land trip is that it is so tiring. Tiring and exhausting enough for Levi to finally feel the fatigue of driving for the past  _god knows_  how many hours catching up to him. What makes it even more unbearable is the copper haired woman seating on the passenger seat who is now currently not in the mood.

"Your eyes are drooping." Her head is turned towards him and he can see her eyes furrowed in a frown in his peripherals.

They've been travelling since early morning to visit his cousin Mikasa for the incoming New Year's Eve and it is now late night. Levi initially wanted to decline the invite but Petra, being her usual assertive self, managed to persuade him to accept the offer. It's not all the time his younger cousin wanted to catch up with him.

Hence why he is currently in this situation. Tired and already to be scolded.

Sighing, because he had had so many conversations such as this with her and knowing that it doesn't always lead to something good, he tightens his grip on the steering wheel projecting his increasing irritability towards it. "They're not. I'm fine Petra."

"Don't lie to me, Levi." She reaches for the volume dial to lower the music on their stereo and leans back on her seat, crossing her arms in disagreement. "Your eyes only droop whenever you're sleepy."

"Well that is because it is my default look." He deadpans, rolling his eyes at her. "I'm always tired."

Petra raises an eyebrow at him, unconvinced. She reaches for his face with her hand and gently turns it to face her but Levi keeps his eyes on the darkly lit highway before them. Now who's the distraction?

She clicks her tongue at him, and he jerks his head away from her hold to stare back at the road. Levi sees her relax back in her seat and yawns.

"Sleep," he suggests, knowing that she had been up for a while too. "I'm okay, really. I'll wake you up when we get there."

But Petra shakes her head at him, brows furrowed with worry. She may be, admittedly, a bit sleepy but she's more concerned for Levi at the moment. He has been driving since morning and hasn't even stopped to take a quick break aside from eating.

"No, it's alright." She defends herself, picking up her phone and chooses a livelier song to play on the stereo, keeping the slumber at bay. "You should rest though. I know you're exhausted."

He turns to face her, a blank look on his face. Petra rolls her eyes at him.

"Pull over. Let me drive for awhile." says she.

"No." replies he.

Petra huffs in reply. She knows he wouldn't let her. He's too stubborn!

"Levi." She sighs and grabs for the door handle. "I know you're tired and if you're not going to let me drive, I'm going to jump out of this door."

Her husband spares her a quick glance in disbelief. "You're kidding."

"Nope." Slowly grinning at him, she unlocks the door before gradually twisting the handle to open all the while watching his reaction. His face morphs into one of disbelief to worry then into horrified anger.

"Petra if you don't –"

" –Don't what, Levi?" questions she, all the while grinning at his stupefied expression. She's almost to opening the door and if she makes this right then–

"Alright, you win."

Beaming at her scowling husband, she quickly pecks him in the cheek before humming to the soft tune of her music, and waits for him to pull over so that she can take the wheel.


	25. can i?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm taking requests if anyone likes to!
> 
> Prompt requested by anon: "Can I hold your hand?

When Levi asks Petra out for a walk in town, he didn't expect her to be wearing nothing but a simple white dress reaching just above her knees. The nights are cold in town and he wonders if she just wants to wear something nice for a change or she just didn't have anything else to wear - not that he is complaining.

Though, the problem lies where she didn't even bring any jacket nor a pair of gloves for the mildy cold night and now as they stroll along the streets he begins to notice the slight shivering of his companion, her hands wrapped around her body trying to keep herself warm.

He is still thinking whether or not here is the part where he does something like a gentleman would do but as usual, Petra beats him first.

"Can I hold your hand?" She asks, chilly hands reaching for his in question.

Levi does not hesitate to take her cold hands in his, not before wrapping his jacket around her shoulders much to Petra's insistence that he should wear it to refrain from catching a cold, but Levi is stern and reluctantly she obliges.

Much later when they arrive back at the barracks, Petra thanks him back and she sleeps for the night remembering back on how the warmth spread through her when they held hands.


	26. in the morning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt request: Going away to war AU

The sun shines bright, and the roosters crow at the early rising star signaling another hopeful day. To others, it might signify a good day but to the little boy, standing by his parents' side as they remind his grandfather on his tasks on taking care of their son, the morning is just another of his daily rituals.

"And don't forget to give him his milk, papa." Petra reminds her father, hugging him at his sides, trying to calm his racing heart knowing that his daughter is going away again.

"Of course, dear." Edward Ral assures her, chuckling in their embrace.

"Thanks, papa." Pulling back, she beams at him while Levi watches at their father and daughter interaction. "I just don't want him to be as short as us."

At that, Levi clicks his tongue obviously feeling hurt at the comment and retorts. "I'm not that short."

The boy only giggles at his father and tries to stifle them behind a fist, already knowing that he is just merely being playful despite his demeanor yet not wanting to offend the older man any further. Hearing laughter coming from his son, Levi smirks at the sight and lowers himself on his knees until he is face to face with the little boy.

"Are you mocking me, soldier?" He asks, a hard stare directed at his son.

The little boy attempts to returns the stony gaze but only fails when he laughs again. He should be afraid right now, the captain is not one to be laughed at, yet here he is unable to contain his youthful mirth at the situation.

"No." he tries to reaffirm himself but ends up breaking up again into more giggles.

Unable to constrain himself, Levi drops the act and ruffles the boy's auburn hair, a direct trait from his mom. "I'll have you know cadet, you're going into probation for disrespecting your superiors."

"It won't happen again, dad." The little boy grins at him, knowing that is just an empty threat.

"Alright, that's enough you two." Comes the amused voice of Petra who was watching them with an affectionate gaze.

Outstretching her arms for a hug, the little boy leaves his father to return the gesture. Pushing himself to his mother's chest as he encircles his arms around her. Petra hums at him, and soothingly rubs his back.

"Take care of yourself, okay." She reminds her son, placing a kiss on the top of his head.

He nods against her, and pulls back his head to look at his mother; his happy face now replaced with a tinge of sadness and longing. "Do you really have to go?"

Petra smiles at him sadly, "It's to protect you, remember?"

He frowns at her. Although he doesn't want them to go away for who knows how long, he knows why they're doing it. The Wings of Freedom, they said showing the insignia marked on the back of their capes. A sign of protection, they said, and a sign of their love for him, and many other explanations.

The little boy sighs, and nods slowly. He knows the duty of his parents all too well.

He hears rather than see his father coming right up towards the pair, and he turns away to look at Levi. The cold and stoic vibe is gone from him, and the little boy can only feel his warmth and concern.

"Be good kid." Levi says, placing his hand on the boy's shoulder with a firm but gentle hold. "Don't cause your grandpa any troubles, do you hear?"

"Yes, dad." He nods and Levi crouches downwards to embrace him.

They stay like that for a couple of seconds till it is deemed enough for the little boy to let go. Levi smiles at him and gets back on his feet, taking him by the hand and walking towards their horses.

"Got everything that you need?" His grandfather asks, already standing alongside the little boy once his parents approached their respective steeds.

"Don't worry, papa. We didn't forget anything." His mother assures, giving his grandpa a disbelieving look before heaving herself atop her horse.

Levi does the same, and they both turn to look at their child.

"We love you." Petra says for the both of them, smiling at him one last time.

"Love you too." The little boy mumbles, but they hear him nonetheless.

"We won't be too long, this time." Levi states, gripping on the reins of his horse. "We'll be home at the end of the week."

"Promise?"

His parents don't miss a beat. "Promise."

And as he watches them ride off to their destination, their figures slowly fading away, the little boy hopes to god that they'd both make it back home alive.


	27. words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is self-indulgent trash, i'm sorry if this is bad.

He doesn't know how to say it.

Levi's never been good with words from the start though he did try. Tried so hard to convey his inner emotions because it's so much. He feels so much for Petra Ral, like his heart is going to burst just at the thought of her, and he doesn't know what to do.

It starts as something small. Small little gestures he thinks it could send across the message he couldn't convey. Small little gestures like the gentle squeezing of her hand in his to indicate things like  _You're fine, We're okay, I'm here, Thank You_ , and even the rare  _I love you_ s.

It's a quiet, fleeting gesture but it's one of the things he likes to think is one of their things to do. Sometimes, the meaning changes depending on the situation but the intention is always the same.

One time he finds her alone, training under the bright ray of sunlight seemingly shining onto her, and sees the light reflect off her golden tresses, making an illusion of a halo right above her head; a slight breeze hits her just right, making her blazing hair billow along with it. And at the sight, Levi is overcome with feelings he can't really understand or how to deal with because she looks so perfect, and he wonders how damn lucky he is to have someone like her.

Then she sees him staring, and if the sight of her looking like an angel wasn't enough, Petra smiles at him with that bright smile of hers, one that always manages to take his breath away, and dear god the words lodged stuck in his throat, unable to be uttered. It's unfair, he thinks and Levi simply stares back at her unblinkingly, thinking of the only thing in his head.

_I love her._

* * *

 

Simply put it like this: He doesn't know what to do honestly.

It's not only him to notices the way he hesitates with the words he'd been wanting to say, the way he tries to open his mouth only to close it shut again. Most of the time, it bothers him to the point that he wants to bash his head. Levi is so bad at this.

Petra, meanwhile, notices it too but she doesn't mind the clear reluctance in his part.

She is patient. She is kind. She is caring, and really, even if Levi hasn't told her the exact words yet, couldn't bring himself to say them, Petra does not mind. Yes, it's her who reminds him almost everyday. Hushed murmurs of devotion against the crook of his neck, sweet nothings whispered to his ear, and loving promises in the way she kisses him.

Petra even returns the gesture of squeezing him back, if only to soothe him of his doubts and insecurities. She shows it by always preparing him a cup of coffee or tea, depending on how stressed he is in the late evenings. Shows it by even laughing at his stupid jokes.

All these things, Petra has done to remind him that she's always there for him, despite it being hard for him to fully express himself.

So even if he finds himself unable to repeat back the words, all he can do is pull her closer against him till their foreheads touch. His icy orbs staring at her warm ones, and as his hands finds purchase in her smaller ones, caressing the smooth pads of her palm, Levi whispers lovingly to her, hoping that it might be enough.

"Thank you for loving me."

Because Levi may not be good with words, maybe not just yet, but that doesn't mean he loves her any less.


	28. Cliche/Lust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> winterrw2018 Day 5 - Cliche/Lust

"Levi?"

Said person, tilts his head downwards realizing that maybe this was a bad idea. Levi looks directly at Petra's already twitching eyes and a lopsided smile.

He risks a question. "Yes?"

"What are you doing?"

And he checks their position, he is currently backing the shorter girl to the wall, his right arm blocking any chances of her escaping from him. Their chests are touching and he can see her resisting the urge to show her discomfort.

"I'm backing you up to the wall." he states obviously.

"That you are Levi." she says, her tone laced with subtle sarcasm and rolls her eyes at him. "Now why are you doing this?"

"I'm trying to seduce you." He answers truthfully and smirks at her reaction, surprised with a hint of annoyance "Is it working?"

"No."


	29. stare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "You're drunk..." "And you're sexyyy~" Rivetra fic please

They shouldn't have gone drinking.

Now there's two men singing off key to an old Whitney Houston song, one other guy laughing at how bad it hurts his ears that the usually quiet man decides to mash it up with an equally terrible song choice and an incoming headache that Levi wishes he turned down his group's offer to go out for some 'fun activity.'

And then there's Petra.

Levi fights the urge to blush when he feels her push herself closer to his side. Her hands are wrapped around his arm, her grip tight like she's intending on never letting go.

Her cheeks are slightly pink, having had one too many bottles for the night and Levi tries not to think on the feeling of her chest pressed against his side vibrating as laughter rings out from her temptingly soft lips from a short funny anecdote Erd tells them.

What it is about. Levi doesn't know, his mind far too distracted on other  _things_.

He does not even realize he's now full on staring. Petra's slurred voice bringing him out of his daze, her bright amber eyes staring back at his blue ones.

"See something you like?"

She smirks at him, knowingly, and Levi, taken aback by the comment, blurts out the first thing that comes to his mind. "You're drunk."

Petra laughs at this and gives him a sultry smile. She pushes herself against him and brings her lips to his ear, making his heart beat faster with anticipation and face even redder. In a whisper she says.

"And you're" she pauses for a bit, dragging out the last syllable leaving Levi with a short moment of suspense. " _hot._ "


	30. mulan au

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If it's okay for you : for the three sentences fic : Rivetra (of course) with a Mulan AU please :)

Captain Levi Ackerman pauses just right in front of him, eyes narrowed with suspicion as he inspects the paper with the list of name in his hands; at this Peter stands up a little straighter than usual, makes his salute look more acceptable and he tries to ignore the not-so-subtle snickers coming from the other trainees.

"I never knew Eldrich Ral had a son." He lifts his gaze off the paper to stare at him eye-to-eye, "Are you really his?" He questions and Peter – _no, Petra_ – has to swallow back the ' _No, he has a daughter._ ' down his throat and vehemently nods his head.

"Yes sir," he lies, "My father doesn't like talking about me enough to be known." And Peter lowers his head, feeling the slightest bit of tears prickling his eyes and stays quiet; a moment passes before he hears the captain move away from him but not after making a soft hum of understanding.


	31. rest

When Levi finally comes back to his sleeping quarters, it is to find Petra already asleep in her side of the bed. Soft snores coming from the woman indicating a long and exhausting day.

Quietly, he disposes of his garments and changes into a plain shirt and shorts. He grunts when he feels the marks left by the straps of their uniform on his skin and rubs it to relieve the feeling. A yawn escaping him as he heads for the bed.

The day has been long. A lot of troubles came from the new batch of cadets and now that Eren has been given charge of a new squad of his own, Levi is now currently tasked with planning on their training drills.

It’s not really a tasky job but it is so boring, Levi wants to scratch his hair off his head. He remembers the huge headache he bore the majority of the day and how he decidedly hates being off the field doing either paper work or disciplinary punishments on the problematic soldiers. Not to mention he had to resolve a conflict between two brats who vaguely reminded him of Jeager and Kirschtein when they were still new.

Sighing at the thought of it, he shakes his head to keep it out of his mind and carefully lifts the sheets on his side so that he can lie down and get under them.

Levi hasn’t completely gone under the sheets when he feels the bed shifts as Petra sleepily reaches out for him, hands taking his to bring around her waist. He lets her do this and presses himself closer to her once he’s completely settled beside her before placing a kiss on top of her head.

“It’s late.” He hears her mutter against his neck.

“Hmm.” He hums in reply, his hand affectionately threading his fingers in her hair while the other is caressing her back and Levi hears her groan from the touch. “I’m here now. Now go back to sleep.”

She nods.

They stay quiet for a while, taking great pleasure in each other’s presence and feeling the warm comfort from the other. Now this, this is what Levi needs after a long tiring day.

Levi then breaks the silence with a soft whisper. “Love you.”

Petra further nuzzles closer to his neck and he can practically feel her smile against his skin.

“I love you too.”


	32. friendly help

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're an asshole for rivetra please? Thank you. + Please can you do a modern AU for rivetra?

"How's it going, Pet?"

Said person pouts at the nickname used, all annoyed that he still bothers to call her that when he feels like teasing her. Nonetheless, Erd grins at the sight of Petra's irritated and waves off an incoming squeal on why the nickname offends her.

"Hey, Erd." She manages to greet back albeit nervous, still a bit mad that after a long time of not seeing each other the offending name is the one to get her in an even more bad mood.

The connection of his internet may not be that high and even if the man mostly sees of his closest friend are pixelated on the screen, Erd can still make out the disheveled state of his friend.

"How're you doing over there?" He asks, dropping his earlier teasing and mirthful expression now worried that Petra might be having problems. "You don't look good."

And it's true, he pretends to not point out the heavy eyebags under her swollen red eyes, her usually kept hair looking like she had recently just got out of bed, and the fact that her attire is attempting to jump out of its owner. Erd might find it worrying even more so than usual if it weren't for the fact that Petra doesn't look the slightest bit of patient.

"I'm fine, Erd." She states, already knowing what her friend might be thinking of. "Really. Just had a rough night yesterday."

At that, the blond man raised his brow. He leans more toward his screen and crosses his arms at her. "Oh and pray tell, what happened last night."

She sighs at him, running her hand through her head as if massaging the growing headache and closes her eyes. "Nothing bad, really, Levi and I just had a tiny spat that's al–"

"What did he do?" Erd cuts her off, a hard edge to his tone.

"Erd." She groans out, seeing that the protective side of his has made an appearance. He always considered her a like a younger sister. "He did nothing wrong. I was just stressed with my financial reports is all and I kinda…" she fidgeted in place, playing with her hands and not looking directly at him, shame pooling inside her gut. "…lashed out on him."

It takes a moment for him to process what she had said and when it did, the gears started turning in his head and he finally understood why Petra does not look like her usual confident and bubbly self.

"Is he there with you?" He asks carefully, hoping not to add more salt to her already wounded state.

She shakes her head in disagreement. "He left this morning for work but hasn't replied to any of my messages." She says dejectedly and lowers her head.

He's quick to pick up on the implication and suggests helpfully. "He's probably busy."

"Yeah," she scoffs sarcastically. "Busy ignoring me."

"Come on now. Don't be like that." Erd chides, knowing for a fact that Levi won't ever do that Petra. Even if the man was mad at her for whatever reason, he would never purposefully ignore her. Never. "He must be busy with work, right now. You're just overthinking."

He gives her enough minutes to calm down and when Petra finally does not look like she's about to break down anytime soon, he says. "You should apologize to him. He'll understand."

"I know," She mumbles out, palming her face at the obvious action. "and I did. He hasn't replied to them yet."

"I mean personally." He clarifies, and Petra only grumbles louder than before. "It's for the best if you still want to be on good terms with him."

"I know, I know." She repeats and rests her head on her table so that Erd can only see the top of her head.

"God, I feel so bad and stupid!"

The older man chuckles at her and shakes his head in amusement.

"There, there Petra. You were just stressed, don't blame yourself."

"But still."

She still has her face planted on top of her table but that is okay with him. Anything to comfort her on her, truthfully, stupid mistake and suddenly he has an idea.

"Hey, Pet?"

"I told you not to call me that." she complains, her voice muffled by the desk.

He laughs lightly at that. "Do you want me to talk about myself to make you feel better?"

Petra stays quiet for a while and he almost didn't catch her soft "Yes, please" but he obliges dutifully.

And so he talks about his daily life. How Valerie still wakes him up late in the evening to make him go to the store a few blocks away due to her food cravings. Or how he has a bite mark on his arm from the time he tried carrying his wife to bed and thus surprising her. He says these with an ever-present smile on his face and he can only laugh at the recent memories.

This seems to influence Petra because she's now laughing along with him at the stories. She looks better now despite her messy appearance but there is a big smile on her face and that's all Erd cares about.

"You guys are so cute, honestly." She admits, a wistful tone to her voice.

"Thanks, Petra." He grins, happy to make help her. "Feeling better now?"

"Yep," she brings up a thumbs up. "Thanks Erd."

"Anything to help, Pet." He grins cheekily at her.

"Hey!"

* * *

When Levi comes home, it is already considered late and he does not expect to see Petra waiting for him in the living room.

"Petra, I – uh…" he stammers out, not anticipating this. She is seated in the couch, her legs under her as she is eyeing him with nervousness much like him. Instead he bears himself and brings out the flowers he bought for her. "Here, I bought these for you."

Hesitantly, she stands up from the couch and approaches him to take the flowers carefully from his outstretched hand. She gives them a quick sniff before looking back at him.

"They're lovely."

Levi scratches his neck anxiously, unable to discern whether or not she's still mad at him.

The silence stays longer than they deem comfortable but it's Petra who breaks it.

"I'm sorry." She says sighing, still ashamed for what she had done. "It was wrong of me to lash out on you last night, I know, when all you wanted to do was help me."

"It's fine." He says back, walking up to her to give her a hug. "I'm sorry too."

She pulls away to watch him in confusion. He must have understood the confusion on her face because Levi explains further. "For making you worried that I'm mad. I was just so busy today 'cause we had an emergency meeting and of course phones were not allowed."

Petra regards him for a few seconds, thinking about it and suddenly she blurts out.

"You're an asshole, you know that?"

Levi only laughs at her.


	33. fake confessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you do rivetra in highschool?

If there is one thing Levi does not like to admit is the fluttering feeling in his chest and the way his heart always seems to jump out of his ribcage especially if he's desperately trying not to let it show.

In this case, it is in the way Petra is now staring at him. A serious look on her face and as if in deep thought on what to do. He always finds it cute when he sees her like that. It's her eyes, he thinks. The way they are always filled with a flame full of life. Maybe that's the reason why Levi feels so uneasy standing in front of her, unsure of why she called him out in the locker room to meet with her.

"I love you."

A moment passes by before she speaks up again.

"How was that?" Petra asks, rubbing her nape and her cheeks reddening in mild embarrassment. Levi can only sigh at the display. "Was it better than before?"

"Too much tension, you didn't even give a chance to shake it off." He shakes his head and she gives a discontented humph, pouting admittedly adorably at him. "Next time, don't do it or else you'll scare away whoever the guy you want to confess."

"I know." She sighs, and Levi couldn't help but pat her head before picking up his bag from the ground.

"Good." He says coolly, his voice sounding unaffected by the whole interaction but inwardly he is attempting to slow down his still racing heart. "Now, let's go home."

On the way to their mutual neighborhood, he wonders why he even let himself become his practice doll in preparation for her actual confession knowing that all this is just giving him another reason for him to let his silly crush on his best friend go.

 


	34. reassurance

It is late, the time probably being past midnight. The quiet and serene peace of being in bed and the coolness coming from the occasional gust of wind should be enough to put Levi to sleep but it doesn’t.

His eyes are closed, and he stayed still for who knows how long since he retired for the night, but his thoughts are everywhere. Words and images cluttering in his mind. They’re not really random  nor dreadful thoughts unlike the usual ones before but these are better. Heartwarming if he can admit it.

Grasping his arms tighter around the waist of the other person occupying their bed and pulling her closer towards his front, Levi lets out a quiet sigh of relief muffled by how he is nuzzling his nose against the top of her head.

And as if woken up from his slight movements, he feels the subtle grip of her hand in his resting on her navel before hearing Petra quietly speak against the silence of their room. Levi does not feel surprised by it though.

“Levi?” He can almost hear a hint of hesitance and a mild break in her voice, as if she had woken up with bad thoughts running through her head and lately as of now, Levi does not like that it holds true at the moment. “Are you awake?”

Levi gives Petra a squeeze to their joined embrace and placing a kiss on the back of her head in answer.

“Oh.” She chuckles lightly but he can feel the growing anxiety in her body from the way she suddenly tensed in his hold and Levi can tell she has something on her mind.

 

He wants to ask, really he does, if only to relieve the fear in Petra that somehow she might regret the things she’ll say thinking it might draw Levi to hate her and he finds it silly. Levi would never hate her but he understands her current unstable condition and he finally relents.

 

“What is it?” he asks softly, enough for her to hear the sincerity and loving concern in his tone.

 

Slowly, he feels her relax in his arms and Petra shifts closer against him behind her. Wrapping his arms around her even tighter while absentmindedly rubbing her thumb through the back of Levi’s hand. A habit Levi has come to learn as her method to calm her nerves.

 

They stay like that for a while. Enjoying peacefully and simply by being in each other’s presence, the close proximity bringing a sense of security to each other. To them, these moments were a rarity during their previous profession and silently they wish that this could last forever.

 

But no, Petra still has that one gnawing thought in her head and it kills her to not express it to him.

 

“Do you regret it?” She says after a while, turning her head to stare at him with a look of guilt on her face.

 

Levi raises his brows at this, knowing what she’s referring to but asks anyway. “Regret what?”

 

Releasing a sigh, Petra tears her gaze away from him shame pooling in her gut. “For leaving the military.” she clarifies but she’s not yet done and she breathes deeply before finishing. “For leaving because of me.”

 

And Levi thinks back on their last expedition together, on the last time he had seen her so vibrant and full of life before stumbling onto her almost dying state, horrified at the sight of her almost broken body back at the horrible forest. Levi remembers how he had lost control of his anger towards the Female Titan, his broken ankle an injury from his mistake.

 

If it weren’t for the quick patch up of their medics, he would have lost her for good and Levi has to remind himself that not only Petra was saved but thankfully the rest of his squad.

 

The way back to their headquarters was dauntingly long and filled with heavy tension. Aside from the fact that they were able to let their objective get away, they even had to throw away the bodies of the deceased.

 

Suffice to say when Mr. Ral showed up, Levi was to the point of breaking because how could he explain to him that Petra is still unconscious but barely holding on.

 

His heart broke even more when he learned that the doctors had to remove her legs, thereby removing her ability to stay in the military for long.

 

In the end, when she woke up and find out the devastating truth, he had no doubts nor second thoughts and left Survey Corps together with her. Erwin was an honorable man and he let him.

 

That had been a year ago and now here they are. Living on a house atop a hill they bought, that tea shop dream of Levi’s now a reality and the two new matching rings worn on each of the two.

 

And really, he’d never been happier than being here with her his whole life.

 

Smiling, he rests his head on her shoulder and answers confidently, reassuring her that she’s never been a burden but a blessing.

 

“Never.”


	35. rushing home

He knows he must look so pissed off right now, probably scaring off the nearby recruits passing by.

Inwardly, he doesn't really care.

Another part of him realizes how antsy he has been for the past few hours. His fingers impatiently rubbing and gripping at the reins of his horse, a sudden longing filling him.

Because of that, he tries not to let it get to him too much.

He vaguely wonders if Erwin is already mad at his current lack of obedience and discipline from the many times he has been caughtcomplaining just about anything.

After all, he's still a well respected Captain and role model, and currently they're not exactly finished with the expedition; the reminder of such grating his very being.

But then again, he doesn't give a damn.

Levi just forgets his responsibilities and prompts his horse to move faster.

They have finally reached the gates. A small crowd forming already but he moves past them, ignoring the annoyed yelps of the people as they gave him room to pass through.

It doesn't matter if he's directly disobeying orders to regroup ar HQ, determined to return home.

Just a bit more. Just a bit more and he'll be there.

He sees a familiar dainty and small house up ahead, and he urges his horse to gallop further.

It's been so long he realizes. It has almost been a year with all the heavy work his position got him into but he forcibly places those thoughts in the back burner. Only one thing on his mind.

Petra.

And when he when finally reaches his -  _their_  - home and has greeted his wife with a warm embrace and a tender kiss, Levi's just glad to be home again.


	36. hair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I won't lie, but I haven't been feeling well these days and I feel like I'm losing touch so sorry for the lack of updates. I don't know when I'll get better but being able to write these two again in a long while felt therapeutic.

The silver streak catches her eyes one time she looks at herself in front of the mirror.

It is an obvious one. The sole white strand contrasting her natural coppery tresses is located near her bangs, making it easier to spot even from a mile away.

Petra raises her brow as she brings up a hand to inspect the hair strand, rolling it gently between her fingers careful not to pull it or break it off.

It's the first, she realizes. Her first gray streak and she is treating with such delicateness she could not quite understand why. Maybe it has something to do with the realization that Petra indeed is getting older these days and that there is nothing she could do but accept it.

Yet, every single time she spends looking at the silver hair strand, she can't help but feel so thankful that she had made it out of the war alive and is now gladly living out her days happily with her husband.

 

—

 

"Don't you find it weird?"

Levi's voice breaks her out of her stupor and Petra turns her head to look at her husband laying down beside her. There is an all too constant stoic look on his face but Petra knows him enough that it doesn't exactly hold any ire or coldness that new people get when first meeting him.

"Find what weird?" She asks dropping the book she was currently reading and placed it on her lap while inserting a finger so as not to lose the page.

The man sneaks a glance at her, before closing his eyes and letting out a sigh.

"I don't know." He mutters out, draping his arm to cover his eyes.

They haven't really been doing much these days, just relaxing in their home now that both veterans have formally retired and let the officiating rest on the hands of their younger comrades, but both still keep in touch with Eren and the others. Even though Petra does not really involve herself with the military anymore, she can still see the subtle hints of exhaustion from the dark bags Levi sports from the many times he was called for advice. So, she does not really fault her husband for being so out of sorts nowadays.

But still, the grain of worry and concern present in his voice catches her attention enough to drop everything else and just focus on Levi.

"You know you could always talk to me."

He grunts in reply.

Petra chuckles at him, bringing herself to lie down closer to him. Foregoing any subtleness, she places a hand atop his other free one just between them two and rests her face on her other one to watch Levi trying not to squirm under her gaze.

"I'm getting older." He finally says, breaking the silence.

Petra frowns. "And so? I mean, aren't we all?"

Levi scoffs beside her and drops his arm to his side. There is already a scowl set on his mouth and Petra can feel herself getting annoyed.

"That's not what I mean."

"Then _what_ do you mean?"

Levi releases a sigh, pinches the bridge of his nose and sits up. Curious but still glowering at the display, she follows.

Another minute passes without them speaking, Petra more so than Levi.

"You're graying." He puts it bluntly, glancing at the grey hair.

Petra stares at him for a few seconds, still processing what he said and slowly blinked. That's it? She had thought it was about the age gap that she thought had already been discussed earlier in on their relationship.

Another blink.

"Don't look at me like thavt." Levi exhales deeply, another frown forming on his face. She knows how conscious he gets when other people call him out, albeit it is not obvious.

This is the first time he mentions about the gray strand, though, and she was actually surprised when he mentioned it. It's not like he was mad about it, apparently.

Petra regards him for a few more moments, understanding now where his concerns lie. His still raven hair further proof for his viable concern.

"Aww, Levi.' She coos, pressing against him and her husband welcomes her touch. "it's nothing to be worried about."

Petra nuzzles herself against the crook of Levi's neck and smiles when his arms wound up around her back; Levi embracing his wife.

"I'm not going anywhere."

She whispers, and Levi believes her.

 


End file.
